Release

Today, I woke up early (around 7:30) for one of the few times since this Summer started. My usual time to get up would be around 10:30 on good days but typically I would be up by noon at the latest. I was kind of happy since I would have an early start to the day, though I didn’t sleep too well the previous night. And so, I ended up eating breakfast while watching some Youtube videos before starting this sort of vocal training for “belting” my voice. Honestly, I’m not totally sure what it means but it apparently helps with learning how to sing properly which is something I would love to do despite how poor I’d be.

Afterwards, I went ahead and posted my first ever poem to Wattpad after half-heartedly designing a cover for it. After publishing it, I browsed Wattpad a bit, specifically looking at the Watty’s (?) which are awards for published stories on the site. It made me feel…inadequate and unsure of myself, but I brushed these feelings aside since I reasoned that as a beginner and as someone who finally wanted to write something besides stupid fanfics that of course it would take time for me to grow. But perhaps those feelings stayed layered beneath the surface, as I will explain later.

So now it is past 12:30, going to 1:00, and now I want to dance. I’ve finally got back into dancing this week after managing to push myself to do it. Back in the day (2014/2015), I used to dance to Just Dance videos on Youtube, I even found the Japanese version of it, to which I was excited for. Now, I only dance to Kpop, though to the only group I really like (BTS). The past couple of days were great. I managed to dance for around about a couple of hours and felt wonderful to finally be moving like this again and hopefully shed some pounds in the process (Do Not Underestimate these Dances).

And yet, today, I just wasn’t feeling it. I only did one song, several times before quitting to watch silly and trivial videos of the group I was dancing to on Youtube. I was watching but not really watching as Youtube’s automatic play went from one video to the next. Gradually, my thought process went from here to there and somehow landed on the fanfic that one of my friends had written for me about this 7 member group I was languidly watching on the screen. I never asked for the story, but she wrote it anyway despite my vehement protests.

Honestly, recently it was really starting to bug me to the point that I wanted to get of it. Shred it. Burn it. Cut it up into small pieces. Whatever worked. Was this horrible of me? Perhaps, especially considering I wrote similar stories for a couple of other friends besides her as well and they all seemed to like them (despite how terrible I believe they were). Still, I may not have done what I did today if her stories were more sincere or even if she had given me another part to the story–a part that pretty much should have been written back months ago (nearly a year I think). I don’t mind fanfiction, honestly. It is a wonder and an amazement at what fans can come up with. To me, as long as you don’t disrespect or slander the actual people in the fanfic, then it’s okay. If that’s what you want to write then go ahead.

However, here I was around 3 pm, burning a fanfiction my friend had written for me in my backyard. It was the first time I had ever burned something, but after days of inquiring for a shredder that wouldn’t come forth, I took more drastic measures. I’m sure if my friend read this, she’d probably wouldn’t be too happy, but honestly I can’t be completely sure. She seems the type that didn’t really care that I had gotten rid of her stories (I told her I just didn’t have them anymore, not that I had burned them). The last part I had to pretty much drown in water, however, as my matches weren’t up to par. I watched these papers burn in that heart-shaped pan (coincidentally made in South Korea) with some satisfaction that I was finally rid of this silly story. I thought it would be some sort of release and a way to tell my brain to put away such frivolous and stupid thoughts related to this group and stories like this.

But now here I am. My emotions feel quite dead in a way. They are there. I laughed and joked around with my mom when she came back home and poked fun at some latest news on Trump jr.’s Email controversy. Yet, before that I had just gotten up from a nap that seemed to have left me feeling empty. Even as I write this, I’m sure you can sense the dryness in my words and the lack of emotional from any of this. I might as well be writing a short unbiased narrative on someone else’s day. I’m just here, typing away without much editing or looking back.

So, did my release work? Maybe with some more recollection along with time can give me that answer. For now, I sit here feeling as if I have vital emotions missing. Authentic ones, not just the ones for flattery or for show. Truthfully, I’m not sure if it was getting rid of that fanfic that did this to me. I’m a pretty temperamental person so my mood shifts from up to down a lot, not to mention my self-confidence and self-esteem are non-existent. I was already feeling not quite right while I danced today and perhaps even as earlier as the Wattpad event. Regardless, I don’t feel right, but that’s fine. This only shows what a terrible human being I am.

If you actually read this far. Thank you, I appreciate it. Please have a great day or night wherever you are.

P.S. For the fanfics that I wrote for my friends, I wish I could also delete them from this life, but they are my friends’ stories and so it is there decision to do what they want with them. (Hopefully nothing too stupid though).

Talkin’ Bout Love (J-Rabbit)

With another Sunday comes another song recommendation. Today’s will actually be a recommendation and not so much as a review since I really just don’t feel like doing much analyzing today. Sorry, but I’ve been feeling lazy, but I’m happy that I’ve at least been posting about these songs every Sunday since I started. I haven’t been posting much besides that but I hope to fall into better habits…uhhh…eventually.

Moving on, today’s song is from a Korean Indie duo named J-rabbit who has one of the two Korean groups I really like (the other is Kpop). The two talented woman who make up J-rabbit is Jung Hye-sun, the singer of the duo, and her close singer-songwriter friend, Jung Da-woon. The two met at the Seoul Institute of the Arts and the friendship blossomed from there along with the mutual interest in music. The two began to make song covers ranging from Disney songs to Korean songs, but ultimately they managed to sign up with a small label owned by friendz.net after some Youtube success. They songs have been featured in quite a few Korean dramas like Monstar, Operation Proposal, and lately, Jealousy Incarnate. Talkin Bout Love was featured in the drama Flower Boy Next Door which I have yet to finish watching.

I really love J-rabbit due to the fact that the two don’t take things too seriously and clearly have fun while they make their videos. I highly recommend checking out their songs on friendz.net”s Youtube channel to see what I mean. Yet, the two make wonderful music that serves as a breather from Kpop as the former has a more simplistic and lighter tone than the more world-renowned latter genre. Hye-sun’s cheerful and hopeful sounding voice and the various instruments utilized by Da-woon in many of their songs will often put you in a better mood from before.

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In Talkin Bout Love, simply put, the song is about a woman who faces a stirring of romantic love for a man who apparently enters her life unexpectedly. She’s not sure what to do with these emotions initially but soon finds herself accepting them and her new love as something that she’s been waiting for this whole time. I think the message is really sweet. On a side note, I thought it related to me so much that I actually sung this for a Kpop contest at my university back in the Fall. I didn’t win of course but I hope to give this song another shot, so if I ever make a cover, I will post it on my WordPress. I believe that is for me today. As always, I will leave some links behind of the song and an article of J-rabbit I found interesting. Happy Sunday!

It’s such a strange thing, how did you come to me?
My shrunken heart dreams of a new love once again

It’s such a funny thing, how can my heart rush like this?
I don’t know why but old love songs linger around me without knowing

With your warm touch
A whole different world has come to me
Yes you’re my love love love
I think I’m in love

 

Talkin Bout Love Youtube video

Article about J-rabbit and some K-indie

 

Mariya Takeuchi (Plastic Love)

Tonight I’m back with another music review/recommendation. Today’s song is another special one as we take a trip back to 80s Japan to “dance to the plastic beat.” The song, Plastic Love, written and sung by songwriter Mariya Takeuchi was featured on her 1984 album, Variety. If you don’t know, Mariya Takeuchi was and still is fairly famous in Japan with a lot of number one hits on Japan’s own national music chart, Oricon. Takeuchi stems from the city of Izumo, Japan and did most of her education in the country; although, she did study in the US for a year in high school. Her first single came out while studying at Keio University and her career took off.

But this particular song, Plastic Love, is what introduced me to the talented and quite timeless Takeuchi. The way I interpret it, the song tells the story of a woman who really just wants to have fun with love while not taking it seriously or attempting to be truly in love with anyone or seeking love in return. Hence the title, Plastic Love, meaning fake love. On the other hand, it also seems that she may have picked up this attitude after having her heart broken and deciding it best to become closed off and cold to any attempts that may deepen her relationship with someone. Though in the beginning of the song, Takeuchi claims that she can handle break ups well, in a way I feel she later contradicts herself when she sings about buying clothes and shoes for her closed off heart and later when her memories are triggered after being asked out by a man. Clearly, the song lyrics are quite straightforward which is great for a poor analyst like me.

As for the melody of the song, in short, it’s very funky and pop sounding. It really is a tune that can get you moving and grooving along to the beat. Yes, it has the old music vibe that is reminiscent of even the 70s I would say. When I first listened to the song I genuinely thought I was listening to a 70s song since it sounded as if this could easily be played in a discotheque. Disco is even mentioned in the lyrics at one point as Takeuchi sings about dancing in popular discos after her breakup.

In short, I would say anyone into 70s or 80s music could benefit from listening to this song. I only stumbled across it myself when Youtube recommended it for whatever reason (Seriously Youtube Recommendations can be so off base at times, this time was a score however). As always, I will leave you with a sample of Plastic Love’s lyrics and a video where you can listen to this lovely piece. Just click on the beautiful Mariya Takeuchi and she shall take you way to the song. (I know it’s the wrong album cover but I really love this picture of her and it is thumbnail of the video). Please enjoy!

Don’t even think about loving me for real
Love is just a game, all you’ve gotta do is enjoy it
I decorate my closed-off heart with flashy dresses and shoes
My lonely friends


I’m just playing games I know that’s plastic love
Dance to the plastic beat another morning comes
I’m just playing games I know that’s plastic love
Dance to the plastic beat another morning comes

Sweetest Music

Complication (Review)

Another Sunday, another review. Today will be a Japanese song since last week I had featured a relatively unknown Korean song which I recommend to anyone interested in Korean music or Indie. Today’s song is different in the fact that some may know this song from the anime Durarara as the second opening of the first season. I had the pleasure of completing the first season this past week after finally getting around to the anime which had first piqued my interest all the way back in 2012 when it was fairly new. I hope to get to the next season within the next few days (Thank you, Netflix!).

Despite being more than 5 years old, Durarara is still an anime many should watch especially since it has such an array of characters to feel connected to along with a story line that keeps you engaged and binge-watching episode after episode. This opening contrasts the first opening where as you can see the setting was brighter with the characters appearing more care-free leading their lives in decent peace. Even the song, Uragiri no Yuuyake (English: Treacherous Sunset) sounds more upbeat and laidback with a fun edge. Contrast that to Complication which sounds darker and filled with more angst against a greyer and bleaker backdrop of the characters in the opening. Both openings will serve as a way to set the tone and the mood for the episodes of the season. I think this is what allured me to both openings, Complication specifically.

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Uragiri No Yuuyake (Opening 1)

 

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Complication (2nd Opening)

While I do recommend Theatre Brook’s Uragiri No Yuuyake; however, let me finally introduce the band behind Complication–ROOKIEZ is Punk’d, a Japanese rock band operating mainly around the Shibuya area. Still, for any anime connoisseurs, you’ve probably heard some of their other songs in anime like Blue Exorcist and Bleach. They definitely get around as they are currently trying to expand nationally and internationally as well. One of the three members, Shinnosuke, who is also the main vocalist, acts as a model as well which is quite an accomplishment. Definitely check them out if you like their hard rock sound combining heavy use of the drums and guitars. If you want to learn more about them, check out there official website, the band’s biography is in both Japanese and English amazingly.

Admittedly, I won’t spend that much time writing out how the melody of the song sounds like. I just want you to listen to it this time. Listen while you’re reading this review or some of my other content. Or if my content is too subpar (which I admit it is) than listen to it while reading other WordPress users content. Whatever works for you. I will just leave some lyrics from Complication that resonates with me in some way. Please enjoy your Sunday afternoon 🙂

Worrying that everything might break
I fear tomorrow
But I know that I won’t find any answers
by looking at the day after tomorrow

What will I draw on the blank canvas of tomorrow that stretches endlessly?
What will I draw on the black canvas of tomorrow that’s been dyed by reality?
With struggle, it will shine

Complication PV (sorry no English subtitles this time)

Side note: There is actually another version of Complication called the Still Struggle version. It is basically the same as its original though it carries a more harder rock sound especially in the beginning. Check it out as well, if you wish.

그 밤 (That Night) “Review”

Okay, once again it’s Sunday, so here’s another “review” for the ones who are interested. This time I wanted to write about a Korean song, but not one of the Kpop variety. I feel as if Kpop songs usually receive enough press that they really don’t need a 3rd rate writer like me going over their songs when they have professionals doing that. I really just write these for fun and to get lesser known artists and music groups the attention I think they deserve since mainstream music already gets enough attention. Though I do want to write music recommendations for my music influences, specifically my Japanese bands, although I only have two Korean influences and one is mainstream while the other is Indie. Hence why I will only write about the Indie group given time, and if you know anything about mainstream Kpop you should already know about the other. So consequently,  I really want to share really cool and interesting songs that many may not know about.

Case in point, this song, That Night, is by the Korean Indie artist, Kim Sungkyung, who goes by the name Lovewave as a stage name. Admittedly, most of the information I managed to scrape together is from website, K-pop Amino, a site that shares and informs readers of general Kpopness I believe (I haven’t used the site at all, besides for this entry). K-pop Amino describes Kim Sungkyung as “a Korean piano and ambient noise driven indie soloist” who used her Youtube channel to debut in November of 2014.

This particular song was only discovered by me within this past week but I really love it. Her calming and soothing voice that’s neither too high or too low with that slight husk awakens my brain in a way. Her music is just refreshing for my brain contrasted to the usual music I listen to. The keys of the piano are distinctly heard being struck before she truly begins to sing. This beginning and the rest of the song just brings forth images of a quiet afternoon of pensive reflection with most likely a gentle downpour going on in the background. Perhaps you watch the rain fall from the sky with languid eyes as you reminisce over a lost love or the idea of the past. It’s the kind of song that carries a bittersweet melody that’s neither here nor there and all you can do is just appreciate the beauty it casts and let the tune relax you as if there is not a care in the world. At the end of the song, it sort of feels like you just have to make an accord with yourself, your thoughts, and the person at the reciprocating end in a capitulation to not worry and let things remain as they are. Which I believe is the general feel of the song’s message.

After all this, I wander why songs like these are more circulated, but perhaps they don’t have big companys or the same amount of advertising their mainstream counterparts receive. And perhaps they prefer it that why. For me at least, if I was in the music industry, I’d prefer Indie as it just seems more mellow and chill compared to popular music. Hopefully one day I will have more information and expertise on all of this but I will save that for a later post as I’m now running on a tangent.

All in all, I’d definitely recommend Lovewave. I’m already listening to her other songs along with “That Night” as I write this post. Ghost is another song I’d recommend from this greatly multi-talented musician and and independent artist. Her Instagram seems to showcase her as a great photographer as well. Okay, I’m a bit jealous, but it should only inspire me more.

As always, I’ll leave some lyrics from 그 밤 (Geu Bam) that I find the most interesting.

We who walked together on that night
We who were walking at the same tempo and sharing long stories
That night, we gradually
Got shivers and left behind our old regrets

Sidenote: I didn’t stumble upon Lovewave through her Youtube channel, however. I listened to a video called Chill Good Beats , created by Ramune ラムネ (Skelix). His or her video is just remixes of some songs including this one yet highly recommended along with the channel’s other videos. Click on the title of the video to go straight to when the remixed “That Night” starts to play.

Thank you for reading!

Lyric source

A Peek Into My Mind Currently

Hello, how is everyone? Are you well? I hope so as I am not feeling too well as per usual. I told myself I would write today on the blog since I hadn’t actually blogged recently excluding my music recommendation which kinda counts I guess. I wasn’t sure what I would write today though I had wondered if I should write down my hopes and ambitions on getting better through some sort of DIY rehabilitation for my complex and insecurities but they were once again attacked today leaving me in another self-hating- “You can’t do anything right” sort of mood.

To be frank, I don’t take compliments or any sort of positive statement on my looks/appearance. I hate my physical appearance. Period. Actually, I hate everything about myself. That mentality took its toll on me today when after washing my hair I had to put it up into a messy bun to let it air dry. Once my parents saw, they compliment on it a few times as my current long wavy hair is always set down. To me, I feel as if they make it a big deal and I wish the would only mention it once if at all. I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to much attention drawn to myself over something such as that and it embarrasses and exasperates me; although, admittedly I’m only usually like that towards my parents. Whenever a stranger compliment me in a similar manner, I just politely give them my thanks when in reality I want to correct them saying, “No, you’re wrong. Don’t say that when I know you’re just being polite.” Since I’m more open towards my parents, they get exactly what’s on my mind and of course they don’t like it and proceed to get upset and greatly disappointed with me. I even caught my mom saying as I left the kitchen, the scene of this confrontation, commenting on how that’s why I have no friends. That hurt. I think that’s the blow that got me the worse and still leaves me feel upset and taciturn towards my parents.

Amazingly, I do have some friends. Do I consider them all close? To be honest, perhaps one or two but I suppose for a person like me that’s all I need. Still, I constantly compare myself to people and measure up myself to friends of my friends and that’s where my cognition becomes conflicted. Not only that, but people I look up to or celebrities I like I begin to validate myself against them and think, “I’m so stupid acting the way I am. I’m such a loser acting like this compared to what they’ve been through.”

Overthinking like this and constantly comparing is a bad practice, but as I’ve said to my parents before–it’s like second nature to me now. Yes, I’ve been through this repetitive thought process for years so I feel as if all hope is lost in changing how I think or do. This comes just when I was thinking of working on some self-rehab to improve my mental and possibly physical condition and yet again, I’m regressing.

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure this will help. They say writing out your feelings and letting it out will allow some release of satisfaction and relief; however, I feel about the same. I’m even thinking that perhaps my parents are right. My personality just doesn’t seem suited for real life interactions, huh? Maybe I should go ahead and plan out my life as a future recluse or hikikomori (Japanese equivalent of a shut-in). I mean I know my love life won’t lead anywhere. Maybe due to my inferiority complex meshed with my insecurities but I’ve realized that I can’t really create feelings of romantic love. Normal love is fine. I love all kinds of people and places, but romantically? No. Although, I don’t believe I’m aromantic. This is evident by the amount of romance movies/dramas, daydreaming, and fanfictions I have written. Thus, the cause is my complex.

Well, I don’t want to bore you more with my dysfunctional mental life. In reality, I’m quite privileged and should feel blessed which I do, but I know I’m not appreciating it to the fullest. It is surprising that God hasn’t smited me down yet, or perhaps he knows that’s what I want. A useless human being like me is greatly confused as to why I’m STILL here when such great people that are my age or younger have passed on. Why? I certainly don’t deserve this life…

Thank you for reading all this way, if there is anyone even reading my post. Please leave a comment as any response is better than none, but it’s up to you. Or, and I know that it is a long shot, but maybe anyone out there feel similar to me? Though I suppose not.  Still, enjoy your night or day and take care of yourself and your life, please.

Daisy (Review)

So, here’s another review I’ve decided to do today. I believe I will try to write one up every Sunday so if ANYONE is actually interested in this stuff than look out for it then. Now, Daisy is from the anime 境界の彼方 (Kyoukai no Kanata) or Beyond the Boundary and is performed by Stereo Dive Foundation. Unfortunately, I have yet to see the anime; though I have watched the first movie which left me slightly baffled and confused admittedly since I had no background. It was a nice movie; although, I probably wouldn’t have been too interested in watching the anime if it wasn’t for the very end when this song. This melody played as the two main characters (featured on the album cover) face each other in a poignant stand off after being separated for a time only for the boy, Akihito, to realize the girl, Mirai, has amnesia. This hits especially hard considering she had done her best to protect him even allowing herself to disappear from his world for what was supposed to be eternal. (Interesting note: Mirai means Future in Japanese which I love and may hint towards the message of this song?). Strangely, this affected me greatly to the point that it stirred up bittersweet emotions. That night after finishing the movie, I looked up Daisy along with the full lyrics and played it over and over again while tearing up and crying. This song just has a way of swaying your emotions and connecting with you on a level that isn’t fully understood, at least for me.

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Kuriyama Mirai during the Daisy ending

This song is lovely to me in the fact that I love everything about it. Just the other night, I left it playing on repeat as I slept only for it to pop up in one of my dreams as I woke up to see it still playing on my phone the next morning. From the melody to the lyrics, everything fits well and helps me immerse myself in the song. From how prominent the piano is to the beating of the drums matching the upbeat yet contemplative tune, this song is wonderful. This song makes me really wish I could play piano just to have a chance at reproducing a melody such as this. As for the message, it makes me feel almost nostalgic for what the singer describes in the lyrics. It’s really difficult to isolate just a few lines from the song as I believe the whole song’s message is one to remember, but I will put the highlights. Starting with the opening lines:

The arrival, tearing the silence into pieces,
Was a predestined encounter for our sake.
And so, you, with regret showing in your grieving eyes,
You wore your sorrow and bloomed beautifully.

A flower, dissolving into someone’s life –
Hey, you can see it too, can’t you?
I’m sure.

To overwrite the accumulated sins,
You’ve got as many times as you need, from the repeating start line.
Painting a tomorrow different from the past,
Painting hope for just the two of us, there’s the start line.
I never say goodbye…
That’s how it always is.

 

I feel as if the lyrics have more impact when coupled with the melody of the song and yet, it still affects me as how I said before in my previous music review, I really want to cut out the negativities of the past and move on to a better me in a better tomorrow. But ultimately, this song makes me feel like I’m waiting for that chance encounter with someone who will journey with me, through the hardships, the obstacles, the good and bad, and more while never really wanting to say goodbye even if we must be separated for a time. I feel as if I really want to connect with this person and I want to stretch out my hand to this person, and yet despite being within reach, something gets in the way. Is it our differences? My lack of understanding? Mental barriers like her amnesia? Sounds kind of romantic in a dramatic sort of way, does it not? (Yes, as you can see I’m a romantic).

Moving on, I would love to continue my tangent but I will stop for the sake of your eyes and time. Perhaps I will visit the song again some other day when I’ve matured a bit more to fully appreciate it and add a better opinionated review.

If interested, I will put the link of the song at the bottom which will lead to the music video of Daisy with English subtitles (Yay!) or you can practice your Japanese, that’s cool, too.

Daisy PV

Lyric credits go to: bambooxzx.wordpress.com