Really, who am I in this vast world living among 7 billion and plus people with various talents and identities. I feel as if I’m no one. No one who matters even to friends and family, excluding my parents and brother. I’ve spent most of my life fighting a complex that constantly puts me down and degrades me to the point that I feel like even dirt has more importance than I do. There’s a constant competition between the world and I that I feel I’m losing. But I want to change that.
I’m a neophyte on WordPress. I’ve just started writing on this blog with the intention of exposing myself through my poetry, tangents, music recommendations, and other blog posts. But how much can I put out there before people get sick of my content? Well, that’s even if they bother with it in the first place. I really do want to make some impact on the people reading my blog. I want others, who my have similar thought patterns, to know someone is out there like them. Honestly, I really am anti-social or, perhaps I’m more socially awkward to the point that I avoid human interaction in my day to day life simply because I’m embarrassed of myself.
However, WordPress serves as an outlet for me where I can somewhat coherently get my thoughts out there for others to see. I’m not eloquent, but I do want to interact with a wider range of people and I do want to spread my ideas and see what others have to share as well. But the constant comparison and competition I feel deprecates that. I’m amazed to find that a few people have actually followed my blog and I whole-heartedly thank them for it. When I received my first follower, I was so excited and incredulous that I had to stop writing for a few moments as I was in such disbelief that someone out there liked my content enough to put up with it for more than just a post! Thank you so much for all the likes and thank you followers! But please comment more! I would love the feedback.
Still, I realize I’m not the brightest and most positive blog out there. I’ve looked through my followers blogs and others and feel their content is soooo much better that I can’t compete (Check some of them out under widgets on the main menu). For my blog, I feel quite selfish for just writing of myself and my problems though like I said before I hope that there’s someone like me who feels less alone and can connect to my blog on a personal level just like I have for other blogs.
As I write this, I remember Elisa Lam, a Canadian student aged 21, who died tragically inside a water tank at a Los Angeles hotel back in 2013. You may have heard about her, so I won’t go into too much detail especially since this post is getting too long and I mentioned her in another post, La Vie en… But be warned, that post was originally written last year at the height of my self-hate when my negativity was at a climax. But perhaps read it anyway as it will give you a glimpse of a past I want to move on from.
Thank you so much if you read this far! And please if it’s no trouble, leave a comment or feedback. I would greatly appreciate it.
This time I will leave a link to Elisa Lam‘s blog. Just click on her name!