Mental Shutdown

Today was not my best day as I spent most of it secluded in my room without wanting much human companionship. It was at these times as I surfed my cell or binged watched American Horror Story with a dash of Sherlock that I wish I had a pet to keep me company. A dog or a cat would have been nice. They don’t judge or ask needless and annoying questions when you just want to be left alone in silence. Also, their lovable antics and comforting nature may have helped ease the negativity I felt yesterday afternoon and the majority of today. Even now I’m still recovering and wondering when I will fall into another bout of mental dissonance where my inferiority complex just takes over. I’m just hoping tomorrow will be better.

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It Can’t Go On Like This

Cooling the fiery passion within me

A sharp wind slaps me back to reality

What is this?

This unmistakable feeling of bliss

A catastrophic supernova awakens within me

 

It couldn’t go on as it were

Gut-wrenching fear

Clutching known ideals dear

I lived seeking to be understood

But understood no one

I lived seeking to be loved

But loved no one

I lived seeking expectations

But expected no one

When finally the mistakes were realized

The deed was done

I accepted humanity’s burden

 

We really aren’t good at living

We could go on believing

Hiding in our artificial world

Boldly running against the fold

But you know and I know

That the hypocrites was us—no

We are just liars protecting ourselves

 

It couldn’t go on as it were

Gut-wrenching fear

Clutching known ideals dear

I lived seeking to be understood

But understood no one

I lived seeking to be loved

But loved no one

I lived seeking expectations

But expected no one

When finally the mistakes were realized

The deed was done

We accepted humanity’s darkness

 

Insecurities tangle with ugly complexes

As we pull back with our reflexes

These burdens drive our lives banning us from

Understanding

Loving

Expecting

And from truly trusting ourselves in this society

 

But is living like this truly bliss?

 

It couldn’t go on as it were

Gut-wrenching fear

Clutching known ideals dear

I lived seeking to be understood

But understood no one

I lived seeking to be loved

But loved no one

I lived seeking expectations

But expected no one

When finally the mistakes were realized

The deed was finished

Humanity is accepted

 

There, this unmistakable feeling of bliss

Causes a catastrophic supernova to awaken within me

 

 

Cooling the fiery passion within me

A sharp wind slaps me back to reality

What is this?

This unmistakable feeling of bliss

A catastrophic supernova awakens within me

 

It couldn’t go on as it were

Gut-wrenching fear

Clutching known ideals dear

I lived seeking to be understood

But understood no one

I lived seeking to be loved

But loved no one

I lived seeking expectations

But expected no one

When finally the mistakes were realized

The deed was done

I accepted humanity’s burden

 

We really aren’t good at living

We could go on believing

Hiding in our artificial world

Boldly running against the fold

But you know and I know

That the hypocrites was us—no

We are just liars protecting ourselves

 

It couldn’t go on as it were

Gut-wrenching fear

Clutching known ideals dear

I lived seeking to be understood

But understood no one

I lived seeking to be loved

But loved no one

I lived seeking expectations

But expected no one

When finally the mistakes were realized

The deed was done

We accepted humanity’s darkness

 

Insecurities tangle with ugly complexes

As we pull back with our reflexes

These burdens drive our lives banning us from

Understanding

Loving

Expecting

And from truly trusting ourselves in this society

 

But is living like this truly bliss?

 

It couldn’t go on as it were

Gut-wrenching fear

Clutching known ideals dear

I lived seeking to be understood

But understood no one

I lived seeking to be loved

But loved no one

I lived seeking expectations

But expected no one

When finally the mistakes were realized

The deed was finished

Humanity is accepted

 

There, this unmistakable feeling of bliss

Causes a catastrophic supernova to awaken within me

 

 

 

Stuck in Limbo

Cigarette smoke billows out of a lonely street corner

A lost soul wonders out

Not knowing if she’s dead or alive

The quiet empty streets don’t answer

The grey skies don’t answer

She remains lost

 

The lost soul doesn’t know what to do

Walking along a deserted path without a clue

Facing life was too painful

But death was too miserable

She wanted to be found dead or alive

Not stuck in limbo

With a vague memento

 

Pale faces emerge on a store window

She looks and sees no one but herself

Lost souls become a legion

Drifting throughout the town

Not sure if they are dead or alive

A lost soul watches but only sees herself

The quiet streets don’t answer

The grey skies don’t answer

They remain lost

 

The lost soul doesn’t know what to do

Walking along a deserted path without a clue

Facing life was too painful

But death was too miserable

She wanted to be found dead or alive

Not stuck in limbo

With a vague memento

 

The lost soul looks up as she walks

Demanding the grey sky to answer

Water dripping down her cheek is the only response

A lost soul wonders among the others

Still not able to see that she’s not alone

That they are one

 

The lost soul doesn’t know what to do

Walking along a deserted path without a clue

Facing life was too painful

But death was too miserable

She wanted to be found dead or alive

Not stuck in limbo

With a vague memento

 

A Love Lost

We hold each other close to find our missing warmth

It seems too late

As we remain half submerged under the weight of the world

Why are we here?

How did it get to this?

We ask as our frozen hearts connect

Frozen in place, I shut myself off in a secluded corner—

Shutting out the false love of others

Thoughts change into confusion

Confusion changes into frustration as I claw at the inerasable memories of pain

Then you found me

Embracing until we can’t breath

Warmth fill these rusted cold bones

Our closed off hearts connect as one anxious to find another’s attraction

We are all beings seeking to love and be loved

Lost and confused, we ride along to the whims of the world

Helpless like leaves carried by the river’s currents

But it doesn’t have to be like this,

No, it shouldn’t be like this

Why do we feel at times that we are incapable of love

And of receiving love

When we ourselves have carried this sentiment in our hearts

Since the day we were born

It just lays huddled in a deep sleep within us all

Just waiting, waiting as we wait for the lost warmth

You found me submerged under the weight of the world

You, like I, was lost and confused

Seeking a missing warmth

In this world, we protectively embrace each other

Hoping to find a love lost to a numbing pain

It shouldn’t be like this, we shouldn’t be like this

Our hearts finally respond to the beacon of love