My Inspirations

Most of my inspirations when it comes to writing comes from the music and groups I listen to. Admittedly, I have a keen interest in Japanese and Korean culture and so I listen mostly to Japanese pop and rock music with the odd Korean group thrown in. Most of my poems have sprinkles of their influence here and there.

I have been listening to Japanese music regularly since the start of middle school so I’m more biased towards my Japanese groups than any Korean group I have encountered. The reason being is that I have only been listening to Korean music for a couple of years now and I only listen to two on a regular basis, so no, I’m not a rabid K-pop fan. Sorry if that disappoints. Though rather I like to admit it or not, both groups have had a great amount of influence on me.

Still, I wish people tried out their music especially Japanese music since I feel K-pop has been on the rise greatly but their neighbors seem to be struggling to claim a similar stardom.

Anyways, the little list of influences is as followed in no particular order…

Japanese Groups

  • Uverworld
  • Aqua Timez
  • Asian Kung-fu Generation

Korean Groups

  • BTS
  • J-rabbit

I’d like to thank all the groups for working hard in getting themselves out there enough to influence so many people like me. A loser like me feels unworthy to even like them and be inspired to express myself this way.

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March of Tears

This entry is one of my favorites because it is dedicated to everyone affected by the earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan on 11 March, 2011. I send my thoughts and prayers to all the victims, families, workers, and more who helped with the recovery of the affected areas and people. This was originally written on March 11, 2016.

Despite words never reaching

And tears never breaching

Memories of that day never fail

To return me to the veil

Of no tomorrow

Routine was followed that day

Sleeping on opposite sides of the bed

Cursing each other with words of lead

We never got tired of ripping each other away

Why did you stay?

Why did I stay?

We weren’t strong enough maybe?

Did we stay together just for the street cred?

Or were pieces of love lingering instead?

Finally the day came for you to leave me, baby

But ocean waves pulled you from me for eternity

Grey skies and dark waves

Erase stories never finished, stories that we crave

In a March of tears

In a March of tears

Your soul with its own story drifts to the skies

Leaving me alone to face a new sunrise

Days turn into weeks

While routine hides the pain and tears

I sleep in a bed heated by nightmares

Cursing myself with words of regret in shrieks

Why did you go?

Why didn’t I go?

We weren’t strong enough anymore

Oh, we stayed just for the treats

But pieces of love definitely existed

Cause when the day came for you to leave, baby

The ocean waves left behind your pieces of me

Grey skies, dark waves

So many lost stories

In a March of tears

In a March of tears

Your soul drifts to the skies

Leaving me lost in a world of despair

Now 5 years on

My tears are gone

Still I cling to what you left behind

Since you are still stuck in my mind

But for your sake, I will soldier on (soldier on)

Through the March of tears

Grey skies, dark waves

So many lost stories

In a March of tears

In a March of tears

Your soul drifts to the skies

Leaving me lost in a world of despair

But soldier on (soldier on)

Through the March of tears

But soldier on (soldier on)

Through the March of tears

Don’t Be Scared

“I don’t want to die. Until we can say that let’s continue living.”

This is one of my favorite lines the songs I love. It’s from Ø Choir by Uverworld. I’m not saying I’m suicidal, but I wouldn’t have minded if I died anytime now, in say, an unfortunate accident. But now, I shouldn’t die at least not before my parents. That would be selfish of me to just die or allow myself to be killed before I passed away. Although, I’m not worth it at all, I know they will still be in some sort of anguish possibly beyond my imagination. But wouldn’t my death bring benefits, especially towards paying my brother’s medical bills and what not? But still, I should survive for them.

I forgot at times that people are full of faults and mistakes. All of us are carrying around something we need to improve or hate. They act as burdens negatively affecting our view on ourselves and to an extent, the world around us. We look to others to fill in these holes, but sometimes it becomes unhealthy, maybe even fatal. I live like that but I don’t want to anymore. Still, I’m scared. I’m scared of forming connections only to face rejections.

I remember now. I want to connect with people, but what if they hate me? What if I get my hopes too high? What if I hate myself even more for getting into him, her, them, etc? So is closing myself off and living in my own world a better solution? But then I fail to understand others and the world that is around me and my nature rejects that. I want to connect to people, I want to understand them, I want to happily share my life with them (to an extent, of course—you have crazy people after all), but I’m too scared to do it.

But I can’t be scared. I shouldn’t be scared, because despite appearances, looks, and everything in between, people really can be similar. We are basically looking into mirrors or ourselves. In psychology, there’s a defense mechanism known as projection where people project their faults onto others and getting upset with that person and not themselves. I have done this, and I believe I’m still currently doing this, but it isn’t healthy and I need to stop. I’m being negatively impacted by it and so is my view on people, too.

So don’t be too hard on others. Even if they seem superficial, argumentative, overbearing, or whatever. Even if they seem like a drone to society or a lamb following the flock or a rebel clashing with others. Think of their situation, their environment, and think what it may have took to become them. Even if you disagree, please just at least keep all of this in mind. We are all trying our best to live in this world that we’ve been rudely kicked into without any explanation on the 100% right way to act, talk, and think. We accomplish this in different but familiar ways. Don’t say they are alien or different because that hurts. That creates isolation and who wants to be a total outcast?

So once again, don’t be hard on people and what they may do, or how they may act, or what they may think or say. Honestly, it isn’t a matter to dwell and bake to a consuming negativity when we are pretty similar and will al end up the same anyway.

So move on, there’s too much in and apart of life to stop and stand still lingering in the darkness. I know more good things, more good people will come your way.

 

Why Am I Like This?

This town is decorated with so many colours

Hues and pigments that cover the skin

I was too lost that I had to give in

Thinking black and white wasn’t a sin

 

In this white-splashed society, I feel my incompetence

Cursing my coal-burnt skin in repentance

Why am I like this?

Why are we like this?

I wander the streets contemplating my existence

 

Snow continues to fall and fall pointlessly

The soft paleness floats soundlessly

Tying me to another white day

Facing you again makes me delay

Your snow-stained skin marks my inferiority

I’m left intimidated seeking to hide away

In a fetal position remains insecurity

 

I’m a complete fool thinking I could be loved

Just like coffee needs sugar to not be hated

I fail to have any such sweetness to be shared

Bitter and dark can’t be saved

But I wish for that sweetness

I wish for that paleness

I wish I wasn’t just darkness

 

In this white-splashed society, I feel my incompetence

Cursing my coal-burnt skin in repentance

Why is it like this? Why am I like this?

Why are we like this?

I wander the streets contemplating my existence

 

Night arrives, the snow shower continues

Penetrating a shallow darkness

Wandering the streets eating an Oreo

Tossing the pale creaminess

Only darkens the scenario

Is this really okay?

 

Loneliness creeps up like a shadow

And the tears only follow

Hope was too much to swallow

I wasn’t ready, I wasn’t ready

Reluctantly I had to agree

That it was okay

 

In this white-splashed society, I feel my incompetence

Cursing my coal-burnt skin in repentance

Why did I accept it?

Why do we accept it?

I wander the streets contemplating our existence

 

 

Rain Mania

The rain continues to fall

Leaving me listless for the dawn

My heart is filled endless with endless songs

As I drown under the waves, I stall

As the rain continues to fall

 

Overthinking and hesitations

Leave me with dull emotions

Can you hear the sound of my scream?

Stuck in that dream

Waking up leaves me lethargic

Stuck being catatonic

 

I’m taken by a sudden mania

I’m going insane

These feelings are inane

Can you keep me sane?

Can you keep me sane?

No, don’t hold me—

Before I break again

 

I’m left dull and numb

A lone babe waiting to be saved

But I’m so dumb

Calling to you who won’t be moved

I succumb to sleep once again

I’m taken by a sudden mania

I’m going insane

These feelings are inane

Can you keep me sane?

Can you keep me sane?

Yes, hold me…

Before I break again

 

Rocking in your arms

I feel no harm

Releasing forgotten tears

The endless nightmares

Come to an end

I wake up again

 

The rain continues to fall

Leaving me restless for the dawn

My heart is filled with endless songs

But overthinking slipped me into a coma

As I rise above these waves, I stall

Watching the rain continue to fall

 

The Little Alien

Lately, I’ve felt lonely. Do you know that saying—”I’m surrounded by so many people, but I feel like the most loneliest person in the world”? I share that feeling right now. On top of that, my complex is back in full force. I don’t know what to do. I want to discuss this with someone, but there’s no one. Not my family, not “friends”, and strangers will think I’m weird. Don’t get me wrong. I love my family and friends, but I can’t talk about it with them. Only in this journal I can freely say what I want without being judged or receiving empty advice.

Once again I stand at the mirror

If only things could be clearer

But the sunlight never reaches me

Only leaving me all the more inferior

This suffocating complex remains a barrier
Standing below others who were blessed with superiority

Smothers me until I can’t breath

This haze eats away any clarity

This pain similar to pulling out teeth

This loneliness that consumes my identity

Who am I? What am I?

 

A lonely alien holds a belief

I’m not human, she says in relief

Never will I reach their level, so why continue to try?

Resolving to uphold that complex, she continues to cry

She wants to be strong and happy

But it still throbs with painful scrutiny

 

Faking a laugh, faking a smile

I sing a false song all the while

I want to be like you

But I want to be me, too

This is the life I drew

 

It seems as if I’ve made a mistake

Of misguided actions in a lost world

I don’t have to be like this

But like a shell with one opening—I’m hollow

Only to be filled with more and more lies

Confusion and pain sets in

 

A lonely alien holds a belief

I was never human, she cries in disbelief

I will never ever reach the skies

Even if I try and try, for me it’s all lies

She continues to believe in that complex

She wants to be strong and happy

But only pain and loneliness reply

 

Faking a laugh, faking a smile

I sing a false song all the while

I want to be like you

But I want to be me, too

This is the life I drew

A life not worth it to continue

(Edit: It says journal in the beginning of the entry because this along with most of my poems on here were written between September of 2015 to the end of 2016).

Too Much

Did I ask too much?

Did I expect too much?

My heart strives to understand what went wrong

Maybe I was too forward?

Or really too weak?

Questions repeat in a constant cycle

But no answers come forth

 

Constraints link us with others

Just as it linked me to you

The times were sweet and warm

Our motto: Ignorance is bliss

We overlooked flaws and mistakes

As we were both too weak to confront them

But now the link is broken

 

Did I ask too much?

Did I expect too much

My heart strives to understand what went wrong

Maybe I was too forward?

Or really too weak?

Questions repeat in a constant cycle

But no answers come forth

 

The times turn bitter as each encounter leaves us sour

We grew tired of each other and drifted away

Promising we will meet again

That falls through as tomorrow changes into next year

Flowers die to be replaced by falling leaves

But why do I feel frozen in that time?

 

 

Did I ask too much?

Did I expect too much

My heart strives to understand what went wrong

Maybe I was too forward?

Or really too weak?

Questions repeat in a constant cycle

But no answers come forth

 

Constraints are a barrier between me and you

It becomes a web of social strain

We seek to gratify ourselves through others

That was my mistake, that was our mistake

We sought exaggerated expectations

Full of the ignorance of babes

Still, it would be nice to see you again

 

 

Did I ask too much?

Did I expect too much

My heart strives to understand what went wrong

Maybe I was too forward?

Or really too weak?

Questions repeat in a constant cycle

But no answers come forth