Release

Today, I woke up early (around 7:30) for one of the few times since this Summer started. My usual time to get up would be around 10:30 on good days but typically I would be up by noon at the latest. I was kind of happy since I would have an early start to the day, though I didn’t sleep too well the previous night. And so, I ended up eating breakfast while watching some Youtube videos before starting this sort of vocal training for “belting” my voice. Honestly, I’m not totally sure what it means but it apparently helps with learning how to sing properly which is something I would love to do despite how poor I’d be.

Afterwards, I went ahead and posted my first ever poem to Wattpad after half-heartedly designing a cover for it. After publishing it, I browsed Wattpad a bit, specifically looking at the Watty’s (?) which are awards for published stories on the site. It made me feel…inadequate and unsure of myself, but I brushed these feelings aside since I reasoned that as a beginner and as someone who finally wanted to write something besides stupid fanfics that of course it would take time for me to grow. But perhaps those feelings stayed layered beneath the surface, as I will explain later.

So now it is past 12:30, going to 1:00, and now I want to dance. I’ve finally got back into dancing this week after managing to push myself to do it. Back in the day (2014/2015), I used to dance to Just Dance videos on Youtube, I even found the Japanese version of it, to which I was excited for. Now, I only dance to Kpop, though to the only group I really like (BTS). The past couple of days were great. I managed to dance for around about a couple of hours and felt wonderful to finally be moving like this again and hopefully shed some pounds in the process (Do Not Underestimate these Dances).

And yet, today, I just wasn’t feeling it. I only did one song, several times before quitting to watch silly and trivial videos of the group I was dancing to on Youtube. I was watching but not really watching as Youtube’s automatic play went from one video to the next. Gradually, my thought process went from here to there and somehow landed on the fanfic that one of my friends had written for me about this 7 member group I was languidly watching on the screen. I never asked for the story, but she wrote it anyway despite my vehement protests.

Honestly, recently it was really starting to bug me to the point that I wanted to get of it. Shred it. Burn it. Cut it up into small pieces. Whatever worked. Was this horrible of me? Perhaps, especially considering I wrote similar stories for a couple of other friends besides her as well and they all seemed to like them (despite how terrible I believe they were). Still, I may not have done what I did today if her stories were more sincere or even if she had given me another part to the story–a part that pretty much should have been written back months ago (nearly a year I think). I don’t mind fanfiction, honestly. It is a wonder and an amazement at what fans can come up with. To me, as long as you don’t disrespect or slander the actual people in the fanfic, then it’s okay. If that’s what you want to write then go ahead.

However, here I was around 3 pm, burning a fanfiction my friend had written for me in my backyard. It was the first time I had ever burned something, but after days of inquiring for a shredder that wouldn’t come forth, I took more drastic measures. I’m sure if my friend read this, she’d probably wouldn’t be too happy, but honestly I can’t be completely sure. She seems the type that didn’t really care that I had gotten rid of her stories (I told her I just didn’t have them anymore, not that I had burned them). The last part I had to pretty much drown in water, however, as my matches weren’t up to par. I watched these papers burn in that heart-shaped pan (coincidentally made in South Korea) with some satisfaction that I was finally rid of this silly story. I thought it would be some sort of release and a way to tell my brain to put away such frivolous and stupid thoughts related to this group and stories like this.

But now here I am. My emotions feel quite dead in a way. They are there. I laughed and joked around with my mom when she came back home and poked fun at some latest news on Trump jr.’s Email controversy. Yet, before that I had just gotten up from a nap that seemed to have left me feeling empty. Even as I write this, I’m sure you can sense the dryness in my words and the lack of emotional from any of this. I might as well be writing a short unbiased narrative on someone else’s day. I’m just here, typing away without much editing or looking back.

So, did my release work? Maybe with some more recollection along with time can give me that answer. For now, I sit here feeling as if I have vital emotions missing. Authentic ones, not just the ones for flattery or for show. Truthfully, I’m not sure if it was getting rid of that fanfic that did this to me. I’m a pretty temperamental person so my mood shifts from up to down a lot, not to mention my self-confidence and self-esteem are non-existent. I was already feeling not quite right while I danced today and perhaps even as earlier as the Wattpad event. Regardless, I don’t feel right, but that’s fine. This only shows what a terrible human being I am.

If you actually read this far. Thank you, I appreciate it. Please have a great day or night wherever you are.

P.S. For the fanfics that I wrote for my friends, I wish I could also delete them from this life, but they are my friends’ stories and so it is there decision to do what they want with them. (Hopefully nothing too stupid though).

Talkin’ Bout Love (J-Rabbit)

With another Sunday comes another song recommendation. Today’s will actually be a recommendation and not so much as a review since I really just don’t feel like doing much analyzing today. Sorry, but I’ve been feeling lazy, but I’m happy that I’ve at least been posting about these songs every Sunday since I started. I haven’t been posting much besides that but I hope to fall into better habits…uhhh…eventually.

Moving on, today’s song is from a Korean Indie duo named J-rabbit who has one of the two Korean groups I really like (the other is Kpop). The two talented woman who make up J-rabbit is Jung Hye-sun, the singer of the duo, and her close singer-songwriter friend, Jung Da-woon. The two met at the Seoul Institute of the Arts and the friendship blossomed from there along with the mutual interest in music. The two began to make song covers ranging from Disney songs to Korean songs, but ultimately they managed to sign up with a small label owned by friendz.net after some Youtube success. They songs have been featured in quite a few Korean dramas like Monstar, Operation Proposal, and lately, Jealousy Incarnate. Talkin Bout Love was featured in the drama Flower Boy Next Door which I have yet to finish watching.

I really love J-rabbit due to the fact that the two don’t take things too seriously and clearly have fun while they make their videos. I highly recommend checking out their songs on friendz.net”s Youtube channel to see what I mean. Yet, the two make wonderful music that serves as a breather from Kpop as the former has a more simplistic and lighter tone than the more world-renowned latter genre. Hye-sun’s cheerful and hopeful sounding voice and the various instruments utilized by Da-woon in many of their songs will often put you in a better mood from before.

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In Talkin Bout Love, simply put, the song is about a woman who faces a stirring of romantic love for a man who apparently enters her life unexpectedly. She’s not sure what to do with these emotions initially but soon finds herself accepting them and her new love as something that she’s been waiting for this whole time. I think the message is really sweet. On a side note, I thought it related to me so much that I actually sung this for a Kpop contest at my university back in the Fall. I didn’t win of course but I hope to give this song another shot, so if I ever make a cover, I will post it on my WordPress. I believe that is for me today. As always, I will leave some links behind of the song and an article of J-rabbit I found interesting. Happy Sunday!

It’s such a strange thing, how did you come to me?
My shrunken heart dreams of a new love once again

It’s such a funny thing, how can my heart rush like this?
I don’t know why but old love songs linger around me without knowing

With your warm touch
A whole different world has come to me
Yes you’re my love love love
I think I’m in love

 

Talkin Bout Love Youtube video

Article about J-rabbit and some K-indie

 

Mariya Takeuchi (Plastic Love)

Tonight I’m back with another music review/recommendation. Today’s song is another special one as we take a trip back to 80s Japan to “dance to the plastic beat.” The song, Plastic Love, written and sung by songwriter Mariya Takeuchi was featured on her 1984 album, Variety. If you don’t know, Mariya Takeuchi was and still is fairly famous in Japan with a lot of number one hits on Japan’s own national music chart, Oricon. Takeuchi stems from the city of Izumo, Japan and did most of her education in the country; although, she did study in the US for a year in high school. Her first single came out while studying at Keio University and her career took off.

But this particular song, Plastic Love, is what introduced me to the talented and quite timeless Takeuchi. The way I interpret it, the song tells the story of a woman who really just wants to have fun with love while not taking it seriously or attempting to be truly in love with anyone or seeking love in return. Hence the title, Plastic Love, meaning fake love. On the other hand, it also seems that she may have picked up this attitude after having her heart broken and deciding it best to become closed off and cold to any attempts that may deepen her relationship with someone. Though in the beginning of the song, Takeuchi claims that she can handle break ups well, in a way I feel she later contradicts herself when she sings about buying clothes and shoes for her closed off heart and later when her memories are triggered after being asked out by a man. Clearly, the song lyrics are quite straightforward which is great for a poor analyst like me.

As for the melody of the song, in short, it’s very funky and pop sounding. It really is a tune that can get you moving and grooving along to the beat. Yes, it has the old music vibe that is reminiscent of even the 70s I would say. When I first listened to the song I genuinely thought I was listening to a 70s song since it sounded as if this could easily be played in a discotheque. Disco is even mentioned in the lyrics at one point as Takeuchi sings about dancing in popular discos after her breakup.

In short, I would say anyone into 70s or 80s music could benefit from listening to this song. I only stumbled across it myself when Youtube recommended it for whatever reason (Seriously Youtube Recommendations can be so off base at times, this time was a score however). As always, I will leave you with a sample of Plastic Love’s lyrics and a video where you can listen to this lovely piece. Just click on the beautiful Mariya Takeuchi and she shall take you way to the song. (I know it’s the wrong album cover but I really love this picture of her and it is thumbnail of the video). Please enjoy!

Don’t even think about loving me for real
Love is just a game, all you’ve gotta do is enjoy it
I decorate my closed-off heart with flashy dresses and shoes
My lonely friends


I’m just playing games I know that’s plastic love
Dance to the plastic beat another morning comes
I’m just playing games I know that’s plastic love
Dance to the plastic beat another morning comes

Sweetest Music