My Rambling Part 1

You say you can’t trust them but in reality, you are afraid. Afraid to get hurt, betrayed, and lost and confused again. So you tune out emotions and close yourself off to others and the world. But listen, you’re scared of the world? The world is scared of you, too. Stop lying to yourself saying we’re different, we wouldn’t get along, and we shouldn’t. Don’t forget that we are all human. Not robots. Not puppets. No, not even if they seem perfect or masters. They still feel, they have their own thoughts, wants, needs, life experiences, and more. Is life superficial at times? Yeah, but at some moments it has to. Just move on and let it flow.

But eventually you seem to succeed. Your emotions are dulled and you don’t enjoy things like you used, too? You’ve finally detached yourself from them to the point that there is an empty disconnection you can’t explain. You realize at last that you’ve run away–lost inside a maze of thoughts.

I sit down on a couple of steps on a cool February day after a week of missing something. What is it? Perhaps, my ability to see? Perhaps, my ability to understand? My emotions? Or something else? I don’t know. But sitting there and shifting through my thoughts, I had a long conversation with myself with the lyrics of songs guiding me.

People are people. We are all flawed beings just as lost and confused as lone babies in the nursery. We may act strong but truthfully we can’t stay that way. We breakdown like a rusted robot under the burden and weight of the things and people we all strong for. We don’t want them to worry nor get hurt by our behavior but in the end we somehow manage to do just that. When we try to fix it, we may end up wrong again. We really don’t know the world and at times I doubt we know ourselves either. What is it that we truly want?

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